i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
