So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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