On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
