so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
