she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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