Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
