Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
