problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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