It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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