i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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