I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
