i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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