never play flip cup with pint glasses
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
