think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
