girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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