Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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