I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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