i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
