Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
