Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
