Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
