All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
