Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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