I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
