I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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