I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
