What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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