Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
