the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
