he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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