you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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