mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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