Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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