Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
