Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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