my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
