Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
