trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
