I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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