I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
