I can tuck mytits in my pants
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
