if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
