Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.