is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
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The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life