Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.

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  (206): This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it. http://tfl.nu/dmrx
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.

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  (702): yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark. http://tfl.nu/ahfc
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.

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  (504): You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil. http://tfl.nu/478n
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.

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  (615): Tell your boobs to stop staring at me. http://tfl.nu/zl8p
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  (858): View more from California

  last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"

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  (858): last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian" http://tfl.nu/bnai
  Replies (42) Good night (5957) Bad night (724)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

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  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

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  (603): i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't. http://tfl.nu/rtpf
  Replies (12) Good night (7434) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities

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  (817): But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities http://tfl.nu/pt4w
  Replies (10) Good night (2410) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.

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  (831): high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth. http://tfl.nu/l561
  Replies (3) Good night (1467) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".

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  (916): You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar". http://tfl.nu/r1q0
  Replies (6) Good night (2125) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.

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  (408): You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it. http://tfl.nu/jmvc
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.

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  (+44): It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals. http://tfl.nu/whom
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I asked her politely not to touch my dick

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  (703): I asked her politely not to touch my dick http://tfl.nu/5dz2
  Replies (6) Good night (556) Bad night (1324) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.

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  (+61): The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals. http://tfl.nu/0gao
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here

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  (219): Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here http://tfl.nu/huzw
  Replies (3) Good night (378) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt

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