I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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