put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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