yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
