How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
