I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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