Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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