why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
