I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
