I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
