I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
