anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
