I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
