i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
