I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone