shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.