Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning