Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?