The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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