I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
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So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change