You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..