Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"