Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life