i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
