i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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