did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
