you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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