it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
