i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
