a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
