I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
