Don't you send me to vm
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
