for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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