good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
